its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
