just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
