Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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