she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
