Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
