I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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