Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
