Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
