I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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