My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
