im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
