i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just high enough for therapy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
