oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We're too hungover to prance.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
