clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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