walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
