What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
