I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
