He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
