I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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