I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
