Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
