Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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