i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this boner is exhausting
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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