I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
