It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
