ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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