My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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