i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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