I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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