I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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