Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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