just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
