three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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