her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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