forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
