Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am available for nakedness
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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