I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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