just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
