So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize
