The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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