She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
