Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
