Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
