Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
