I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
