Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
