im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm at about main and main street
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
