I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
