forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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