R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
