If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
