sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
