And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
