im drinking this country out of the recession.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
