How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
