uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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