I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
