He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
