Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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