Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
