hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
