You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
