the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
