I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
