I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
