when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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